Persons attempting to find a "text" in this [story] will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a "subtext" in it will be banished; persons attempting to explain, interpret, explicate, analyze, deconstruct, or otherwise "understand" it will be exiled to a desert island in the company only of other explainers.
BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR - Wendell Berry's introduction to Jayber Crow.
Another gem from McSweeney’s: In the Likely Event of My Posthumous Fame
My birth, death, and high-school graduation should be celebrated with a feast, a day of mourning, and a Sadie Hawkins dance, respectively.
At the Sadie Hawkins dance, the women ought to feel a subtle, needling pressure to pick older brothers. Billy Joel’s “Just the Way You Are” should be played at least twice. All kisses will be French.